I have successfully no-cry-sleep-trained my daughter. Yes, she'll be two in a few months, but still. I feel like a new woman. I'd imagine that I could have done this at 12 months old or maybe even younger if I had believed it would work/had reached my wits end yet. But my wits actually lasted pretty long. I found it easier to nurse/snuggle/rock my baby back to sleep than do anything else. Giving her that comfort usually meant she, and everyone, would get back to sleep as soon as possible and everyone was pretty much happy. I read lots of great information in the No Cry Sleep Solution book, and I read this idea called The Sleep Lady Shuffle, but didn't really have the patience/diligence to commit to a plan.
*Background: As Claire got older, bedtime started getting pretty drawn out. Around 12 months old (maybe earlier?), I gave up on putting her in her crib. She always hated that process of being lowered into it. I would have to nurse/rock her to sleep and if I didn't wait long enough, she'd wake up during the transition and I'd have to start all over again. She had no problem being laid down onto any other bed, but a crib was unacceptable. So I pulled her mattress out and put it on the floor. I would put her on her bed, and lay on the floor next to her until she fell asleep. My Great Plan started here, but I wasn't consistent with it. It eventually turned into me laying my head on her pillow while she played with (pulled/twisted) my hair for up to 45 minutes and after a few months it started driving me completely crazy. I'd also sometimes fall asleep laying there and that would kind of ruin the rest of my night. I was growing weary of the idea that I either had to let her cry it out or live with this long, difficult process forever. I KNEW there was another option, but it took me a while to figure it out. So, if anyone reads this, or if I just read it again with my next kid, don't lose hope! You can find something that works for you and your baby if you understand what they need and are consistent.
*The Plan: First things first-- I had already spent many months getting her on a consistent sleep schedule/routine. I did anything I could to get her to fall asleep at a predictable time for naps and nighttime. At first, that meant sometimes even taking her for a drive to get her to take a nap at the right time. We have a consistent nighttime routine of jammies, brush teeth, bottle of water (only 4 oz or else she'd pee through her diaper), book/singing, bed. When I could stand the hair pulling and long bedtime no more, I thought back to the Sleep Lady Shuffle and decided it was time to get serious. I didn't follow it exactly, but used the general idea. The idea is to gradually move yourself further away from your kid as they fall asleep, so that eventually you can just walk right out after tucking them in and they won't care. I had by now moved her mattress onto a toddler bed, which made it easier to distance myself and to encourage her to actually stay in bed.
*The position and rules: I picked a position to put myself in every night that would allow her to be comforted by my presence, but nothing more. I sat on the floor with my head between my knees and didn't move. This is something I learned from Super Nanny-- just sit there and DON'T TALK. If they get up, put them back, without a word. Chris and I both I followed the same routine and rules for naps and night time. She would sometimes sit up and whine or talk and I would just ignore her. (She never really cried). If she didn't lay back down after about a minute, I'd turn and tell her "Shh. Lay down," and she usually would. Sometimes I'd have to tuck her back in, but I tried to avoid it.
*Phase 1: One night I just didn't let her play with my hair. I sat right next to her bed, in position. If she reached for my hair, I just moved her hand to her own head. I had to do it a few times, but with no real complaints. I did this for a few nights.
Phase 2: Same position, but moved out of reach. She reached for my hair, but eventually gave up when she couldn't reach it. Again, no real complaints. (A couple nights)
Phase 3: Same thing, but in the middle of the room. (A few nights)
Phase 4: Same thing, but by the door. (About a week)
Phase 5: Same thing, but outside the door with the door cracked. I couldn't believe she didn't complain about that one. (A few nights)
Then one night, my mother-in-law was at our house and starting to do dishes. I didn't want her to do all the dishes, so I just shut the door instead of sitting there with it cracked open. NOT A PEEP. And that was that! I can't believe what a champ Claire was through all of this. It was so easy. I am sure I could have moved through the steps faster. It took me about 3 weeks. Within a few nights, the bedtime routine had gone from 30-60 minutes to about 15. Now it can be 5 minutes if I want it to be. If she cries in the middle of the night (which is rare), I'll wait to see if she's going back to sleep on her own or not. If not, I go in and she walks right back to her bed, I tuck her in, and I leave. It's amazing.
I am thoroughly convinced that this was so easy and will hopefully continue to be easy because she has learned that bedtime is a sweet, comforting, relaxing time. There is no stress or fear associated with it. It has been gentle and smooth and it's never a fight to put her down. I give her a kiss and she giggles and that's usually our last interaction until morning.
2 comments:
you are the new supper nanny. go usa.
Jenny, you are one amazing mom!!!! Little Claire is so loved. How could we be more grateful?! We love you and your precious family.
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